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Deathtouch
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, they lose half their life, rounded up.
When this creature dies, if it had no counters on it, return it to the battlefield tapped under its owner's control with two stun counters on it.
Menace, lifelink, indestructible
Ketramose can't attack or block unless there are seven or more cards in exile.
Whenever one or more cards are put into exile from graveyards and/or the battlefield during your turn, you draw a card and lose 1 life.
{T}: Exile up to two target cards from a single graveyard.
Unlicensed Hearse's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards exiled with it.
Crew 2
As an additional cost to cast this spell, you may exile any number of white cards from your hand. This spell costs {2} less to cast for each card exiled this way.
Exile target artifact, creature, or enchantment with mana value X or less.
+1: Each player discards a card.
−2: Target player sacrifices a creature.
−6: Separate all permanents target player controls into two piles. That player sacrifices all permanents in the pile of their choice.
Flash
As long as The Wandering Emperor entered this turn, you may activate her loyalty abilities any time you could cast an instant.
+1: Put a +1/+1 counter on up to one target creature. It gains first strike until end of turn.
−1: Create a 2/2 white Samurai creature token with vigilance.
−2: Exile target tapped creature. You gain 2 life.
This land enters tapped unless you control a Swamp.
{T}: Add {B}.
{1}{B}{B}, {T}: Draw a card, then you lose life equal to the number of cards in your hand.
If you control two or more other lands, this land enters tapped.
{T}: Add {B}.
{3}{B}: Until end of turn, this land becomes a 3/3 black Beholder creature with menace and "Whenever this creature attacks, exile target card from defending player's graveyard." It's still a land.
{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this land: Destroy target nonbasic land an opponent controls. Each player searches their library for a basic land card, puts it onto the battlefield, then shuffles.
When The Meathook Massacre enters, each creature gets -X/-X until end of turn.
Whenever a creature you control dies, each opponent loses 1 life.
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, you gain 1 life.
If a land is tapped for two or more mana, it produces {C} instead of any other type and amount.
Each spell a player casts costs {1} more to cast for each other spell that player has cast this turn.
Spells and abilities your opponents control can't cause their controller to search their library.
−1: Target player mills four cards. Then exile each opponent's graveyard.
If this card is in your opening hand, you may begin the game with it on the battlefield.
You have hexproof. (You can't be the target of spells or abilities your opponents control.)
Target opponent sacrifices a creature of their choice. If they can't, they lose 2 life and you draw a card. Then repeat this process for an enchantment and a planeswalker.